Heart, Mind, Soul
by OliviaFan
Summary: You can't love without a heart, you can't think without a mind, you can't feel without a soul, but how do you sleep without closure? post Ep for The War At Home. Spoilers for ITWSH and other various episodes form different seasons. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Obviously Wrong**

She couldn't do this... not anymore it was to hard. She had been sitting here since she had gotten home five hours ago. She hadn't gotten up to eat, drink or do anything else. Well that's not true she had used the bathroom. Still this wasn't what was spoused to happen. There was a routine that was followed every night. First dinner was made and then a movie or TV was watched. Then she had a shower because in her line of work you never knew when you could be called out on a case at three in the morning. Tonight though nothing had been done. She was just sitting here in this chair, and she had been for the past five hours.

Today had been a hard day, heck the whole case had been hard! Today though... it had been forever since she and Bobby and really fought. Sure their had been the occasional spat over who the guilty party was on a particular case, and they had had a few disagreements over the whole Jo Gage issue, but nothing major, nothing like this. Nothing had ever put this kind of a rift between them.

She wished that she could just forget about it. That she could go to bed and wake up in the morning to find the whole thing had just been a bad dream. That's what she wanted, to be able to forget and move on. To find everything normal, the way it had been before this case, before this whole year. The thought of calling Bobby to check on him and to fix things had flitted across her mind, but Alex Eames was an incredibly stubborn person and to call Bobby would show that she couldn't hold out as long as him. Something that she needed to prove, not really to anyone else but to herself. Something that had sprung up out of her kidnapping. No, she would wait and really it didn't matter if Bobby called she would be fine without him.

This new theory of her's was squashed by the phone ringing. She grabbed for it desperately, and checked the caller ID. Her heart fell as she saw it was the captain.

'Let him leave a message. Tonight there is no way I'm going to go into work!' she thought, putting the phone down. 'Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe I over reacted, maybe I need to talk to him. No she wouldn't do this to herself, she obviously didn't need Bobby, obviously he didn't want to talk to her, obviously he didn't care, obviously she wouldn't call or go over to his place! Not tonight not any night! They were over and done!'

Obviously she was wrong. This she noted finding herself out side of Bobby's apartment some twenty minutes later. Taking a deep breath she knocked once, twice, three times, and listened for noise in the apartment.

Waiting their seemed to take forever. 'Was he not home? What had she been thinking? He would of be with his mother now! Even if he was home why would he want to see her?' The questions filled her head and out of instinct she turned to leave. Almost did too. Making it as far as the elevator when the sweetest sound in the world fell upon her ears.

"Eames...What are you doing here?"

Turning around it was impossible to miss the hurt on Bobby's face as he stared at her from his door way. Alex meant to answer she really did, but all she could do was take a deep breath. Pushing down her fear she tried again. All that happened though was she took another breath.

"Were you just going to leave?"

"I'm sorry...I just...sorry it's late I should go."

Bobby's eyes looked blurry. 'Was he crying?' Then suddenly she realized it wasn't Bobby it was her. She, Alex Eames was crying. Brushing away the tears she looked at Bobby.

"Eames are you okay?"

'Was she okay?! Standing in the middle of the hallway of her partners apartment building crying, and he wanted to know if she was okay?!'

"I just...sorry..I..."

A momentary pause followed this unfinished sentence. They stared at each other both wondering what happened next. The pause was interrupted by the neighbour at the end of the hall opening his door.

"Goren what the hell do you think your doing? Its like one in the morning! Fine time to break up with your girlfriend! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Sorry Mr. Holladale."

It took Alex a moment to recover from being called Bobby's 'girlfriend' before she said anything.

"I'm NOT his girlfriend and I was just leaving."

"Eames don't...come in for a second."

"What ever the heck you decided to do make up your mind fast! I want to go to sleep!"

With a last glance at Mr. Holladale, she headed over to Bobby's door and stepped inside. Bobby closed the door behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay this is my second chapter. Thanks to all of you who R&R. I hope you like this one too. This one has been checked for grammar so hopefully it's okay. If there is still mistakes I'm really sorry because I tried really hard to get ride of them. I'm posting a chapter a night because I have it all done anyhow. Okay so enjoy!**

**Black Sky**

The silence persisted. It was like fifty million tons of weight were being held down on her shoulders. All she wanted was to leave but, at the same time wanting nothing more than to stay.

"Why are you here Eames?"

This one simple question shared so much. He sounded annoyed. In her mind she wondered if she should of come, and if she should stay. There was nothing left to do but to answer him.

"I just needed to know if we were okay."

The look he gave her was one of hurt, and anger.

"Is the sky blue?"

She looked at him. 'Fine if he wanted to be smart she would just leave. Besides she got what she came for. An answer. She knew now they were over.'

Turning for the door she reached for the handle. Looking back the hurt and confusion was apparent on his face. His question begged an answer but she had none. Looking out the window into the darkness of the New York night, it suddenly hit her.

"No Bobby, the sky isn't blue. Its black."

It was all she could do to keep from crying as the power of those words became apparent. The truth though was never easy to handle. The truth had been told. The sky was black and they were not okay. Leaving now would mean they would never be okay. But all she wanted to was leave. To escape into the night and leave all these horrid emotions behind.

"It will be blue in the morning."

"But it's not morning Bobby and the sky is black! We are not okay and we will never have a morning!"

Staring at each other you didn't need to be a profiler to see that there was a rift between them and the bridge that had connected them had fallen apart.

"Eames please..."

This time it didn't matter her anger overflowed and the hurt she had carried all these years began to spill over the barrier she had created.

"Why do you do that?! Why do you call me Eames?! I have a name its Alex! Were Goren and Eames, Bobby and Alex! Not Bobby and Eames!!! Just once can't you care enough to refer to me as a person instead of some one to be feared?!!"

"Eames, Alex, I'm sorry I didn't know..."

"Didn't know! Or didn't care!?"

"I always cared."

Breathing hard, Alex realized what was happening. That the wall that had been built was coming down. 'Not now, she couldn't let him see how weak she was now.' Steading her breath she tried to come up with something to say.

"I always cared Alex, but if you just came here to yell at me this really isn't a good time!"

Bobby Goren was yelling at her? This was a surprise in all the years they had worked together she had rarely seen him lose his temper, and never at her. Until today, until this case.

"I came because I was worried about you! But as I can see it was a waste of time because you're just fine and you have everything under control because you're Robert Goren and you always have everything under control!!!"

"Your right I do have everything under control! So you can just leave!"

"Yes I can see everything is fine! That's why there are empty beer bottles on your coffee table and your hair is messed up! And you just look like hell! But everything is fine and once again I'm just your stupid partner getting In your way! I'm just the bait! I'm just the side kick!"

"The bait? What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember that case Bobby because its burned into my mind! Is that all I am to you the bait!?"

"Eames what are you talking about!?"

"No Bobby! It's Alex! A-L-E-X! But I guess you can't remember that either! This was just a waste of time! I shouldn't of come! Obviously I'm not wanted! Maybe if I was Nicole or Wizenwsky you would open up to me! That's all I wanted Bobby to help! To be here for you! To be your partner, your friend!"

"What dose Nicole or Wizenwsky have to do with any of this?"

Looking at the confusion on his face gave her a small sense of satisfaction. 'Let him be confused, let him be hurt, in the morning she was going to ask for a new partner. It wasn't worth it, this kind of pain.' Now for the first time in six years she wasn't ashamed to be yelling at him. She wasn't worried about destroying the trust, because the trust was gone and had been for a long time. They had just never looked at reality before. This case hadn't been there down fall, it had simply been the last straw. Turning to go a whisper escaped her lips.

"Goodbye Bobby."

"Alex please I don't understand."

Her hand was shaking and more tears were sliding down her face. 'Why couldn't she open the door?' Her hand was on the handle but for some reason it wouldn't open. As much as she wanted to leaving wasn't an option. Not this time, not tonight. She owed him and explanation, if not to make her own guilt easier, simply because they had been together for six years.

"You let them in. You told Wizenwsky about your mother. You tell Nicole about your life. Why not me Bobby? Do the six years mean nothing to you? I can't believe that you didn't trust me even now, after all these years."

"Alex I'm so sorry...I didn't want you to hate me."

"So you kept me out? And look at us now."

"I'm sorry..."

'He was sorry? Now? They were falling apart, had fallen apart and he was sorry now?' The pain these thoughts brought up was etched across every line of her face. Bobby could see this.

"Alex stay please...Just for a few minutes. For a cup of coffee. Then If you still want to leave you can. You don't ever have to come back again, but give me one chance please."

"Two."

"What?"

"It would be your second chance Bobby. Number two."

**So what did you think? This is my favourite chapter. Well at the moment knowing me it will of changed by the time I'm don't writing this. Please R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So here is chapter 3. Thanks again to everyone who R&R. It really makes me happy people are enjoying the story. This is the chapter where the title comes from. It should be good for grammar. It was edited but knowing my computer something will be wrong with it. Oh and this wasn't in my other chapters but I don't own anything in CI or the characters but I wish I did! They belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. Well I'm going to borrow them anyhow.**

**Without Closure**

The chair was comfy. It was a gray colour and was one of those Lazy boy chairs. Studying it was her only way of distracting herself form what had just happened and what was going to happen. In the background Bobby was getting coffee. After what seemed to take hours he came back and handed her a cup. Sitting down across from her on the sofa they stared at each other for some time he was first to break the silence.

"The doctors think its only a matter of months. She's afraid but she is pretending not to be. She wants out of Carmal Ridge and into a hospital in the city. I can't help her. But I can be there to support her. This case took me away form her. I'm sorry. I was to caught up in my self and in her. Alex, I need some time off but please promise me you will still be there when I get back."

Another pause. Alex looked at him. Trying her best to see him as the old Bobby. A hurting Bobby but even now, even he was letting her in, she could still here the words in her head 'Back off... I don't care...'

"Bobby I'm sorry about your mother. I'll...I'll call you later. Tell her I say hi."

"Alex its not that simple! I still don't understand. Please what did you mean about bait?"

"Just forget about it."

"No. If we have a problem than while were fixing things lets hear about it!"

His voice raised angrily. Alex stared at him. Regretting what she had said. In her moment of weakness she had let slip something she had sworn not to. Now he was pushing to know what she had meant. 'I could lie. I could lie and everything will be fine.' But this was Bobby and part of her even though their friendship and trust was broken and shattered still felt that she at least owed him the truth.

"It was the Henry Talbot case. The one where I was the bait to make his wife see what a monster he was. I just...Bobby I spent all those years in vice being bait. That was my job and I excepted it. But now I'm here in major case and I just didn't expect to still be seen as the bait."

"But if it weren't for you we might not of broken him and a murderer would of been let out free."

"I know it's just..."

"Just what Alex? What?"

"It's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't get it Bobby, you can't love without a heart, you can't think without a mind, you can't feel without a soul, but how do you sleep without closure?"

"What closure? What do you mean? We close the cases isn't that enough for you?"

"We close them for the victims but not for us. When was the last time we actually talked about a case when it was over?"

"I guess it was the one where I bought you a margarita...the Griscom case."

"That was five years ago Bobby. Five years and not once have we talked about a case. Sometimes its like they don't effect you...I'm sorry maybe I'm just being silly."

"You're not weak."

"What?"

"That's what your afraid of. Being weak, but your not. You have gotten through things most people never do."

"Don't read me Bobby. I have had enough shrinks do that this year to last me a lifetime."

They shared another silence. Except this time something was different. The rift was becoming smaller. But things weren't the same. They needed to forgive each other to fully heal but neither was ready to move on. He sat with is head slightly cocked to one side, while she sat looking at the floor.

"Well I'll try not to."

"It's okay. I just needed you to listen once and a while."

"I'm listening now."

A small smile crossed her face. More tears were in her eyes.

"I know Bobby, I know."

"I let you in Alex and I promise I will keep doing that, but you need to let me in too."

"Bobby why do I always end up shooting people? Its always me! Why haven't you shot someone?"

The comment came out before she could stop herself. It just hung there in the air waiting for a response. The look that crossed Bobby's face was one of surprise. He hadn't expected this.

"Of course I have shot people Alex I was in the army."

"Oh. I was just...I just...I feel so inadequate, you don't have to shoot anyone but I do! I shot that guy who kidnapped the Colter family! And I shot the son of Jonas Slaughter! I almost shot Donald DePalma! He only had a starters pistol but if he hadn't dropped it by accident I would of shot him!"

"Eames everyone of those you did the right thing! The first guy would of killed you other wise! The second would of killed Anna! And the third wanted to die! You didn't know it was a starters pistol! And nobody would of expected you to wait and find out!"

"I know but Bobby..."

"You did the right thing. At the end of the day we all want the same thing. To go home."

"There is no point in going home if you still don't have closure."

"Alex listen to me... We can get closure! Right here, right now! I'm listening and I'm not going anywhere! Please Alex this has to work both ways!"

"It has Bobby. Just once and awhile we need to talk."

"We will! But first I need to know you'll still be their when I get back."

The look on her face changed and she stared out he window. 'He wants to know if I'll be there when he gets back. I'm not ready... I can't... how can I promise this when I'm still not sure I want to see him again? When I haven't forgiven him. You can't just stick a bandage on a stab wound on expect it to heal.'

"Bobby...I'm sorry..I can't promise you that."

They drifted into silence. 'I'm sorry Bobby..I'm so sorry...' They sat there neither speaking or looking at each other. Each lost in their own thoughts. Until she began to drift off to sleep. Her eyes drooped and for the first time since he had left the squad room that afternoon she relaxed.

**So what did you think? Please R&R! It's great to hear what people think. And if you're dying to know what happens next don't worry I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. And is it just me or do I use the word "she" to many times? I'm trying not to but I don't think it's working to well. Something to work on I guess.** **Also I didn't spell colour wrong I am Canadian and so I spell it colour and not color. So don't go telling me I spelled it wrong.**


	4. Chapter 4

**OoOoOoOoOo!!!! Here is the next chapter! I don't own anything in CI so don't sue me! Thanks to all who R&R.**

**Being There**

"Are you going to write a new letter?"

The sudden noise of him speaking awoke her. Not that she had really been asleep but she had been drifting in and out of conscience. The clock on the wall told her it was half and hour later than when she had started to doze.

"Eames are you going to write another letter?"

'Great they were back to last names. What was he talking about what letter? Surly he didn't mean...did he?'

"Letter? Bobby you don't mean..."

"Asking for a new partner."

'I thought I told him I haven't decided yet weather or not I want a new partner!' Looking over at his face she could see that that really wasn't what was bothering him. 'It isn't the idea of the new letter, it's the last letter.'

"Bobby I'm so sorry I meant what I said that day! I should of told you!"

"I didn't want you to know, but since you're getting a new partner anyways I just wanted to know if their was going to be a new letter that I had to worry about for credibility."

"What didn't you want me to know?"

"How much it hurt. I knew you were sorry so I didn't see how making you feel worse was going to help. But Eames of all the things... I never thought you would be the one who turned their back on me."

"Bobby it was an honest mistake! And I meant everything I said on the stand! You are an effective police officer. You do have a deep understanding of human behaviour! And I was used to working with more conventional detectives!"

"I know Alex."

She still felt horrible but she was at a loss of what to say. Of all the secrets she had carried over the years this was the most shameful one. The one she regretted he most. The one she would do anything to take back. It hit her suddenly what was needed to be said.

"You are and acquired taste...but I've acquired you. And I thank god everyday that I did."

"Alex it's okay you don't have to pretend."

"I'm not. And I won't...Bobby I never told anyone this not even my shrink. But when Sebastian...Jo had me I kept thinking how to get out of it. And when...When she pulled the curtain back and walked toward me I thought 'God no I can't die! I can't I have to tell Bobby I'm sorry for the letter! I have too! Please let me tell him.' I never did tell you after I got out. I was to ashamed. And I needed to feel safe. If you didn't want to talk to me I couldn't feel safe."

"Alex...I didn't know. But Jo is in jail and she won't get out for a long time. I'll make sure of that I promise."

"Even if I'm not your partner anymore?"

"Even then. When you were gone...it was like my world was falling apart! I kept thinking it was Declan and that it was my fault."

"When I tried to get out, the door was blocked. I don't think I have ever felt so helpless as that moment. Even when I was just hanging there I felt more in control than when I realized my only way out was blocked!"

The tears in her eyes were falling faster than ever. Even after all this time she couldn't talk about it without crying. Never had she toled Bobby about it, well their was her police statement but nothing like this. Never what she had felt, never what had gone through her mind in those horrifying moments when death seemed like the most likely option. Now she broke down into uncontrollable sobs.

"I climbed up the wall so I could reach the window. It was still too high and I could only get my hand out. After all that after not letting him...her, know how afraid I was, after getting my self out of that room and finding that window, I started to beg. I begged! 'Help me, help me please, NYPD somebody help me.' This dog came over and I just cried and begged for its owner to help me."

"It's okay Alex" Bobby whispered reaching over to stroke her hand. "It's okay. You did what you had to, to survive."

"I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to think I was weak."

"I don't. I think you are incredibly strong to have gotten out and to have gotten through it."

They shared a look as she dried her tears. For the first time all night the idea that they might be okay crossed her mind. Maybe just maybe she could keep her partner.

"I was afraid to lose you. When you were with Wizenwsky. I heard you yell my name and then I heard sounds on the other side of the door. I couldn't see what was happening and I was so afraid that I was going to lose you."

"I know you were. I was afraid to lose you too. I had to get you out of the room. When I'd almost lost you before I couldn't handle it. If I had lost you again, I would have gone insane."

"Bobby?"

"Yes?"

She was staring at him with a deep concentration on her face. The truth was the bridges were being built again and the rift didn't' seem quite so big anymore.

"You won't lose me."

"You're staying?"

"I don't know. But whatever happens you can rely on me okay? I promise."

"Thank you Alex."

She still felt bad. She wanted to be able to tell him that things were okay and that she would be there when he was ready to come back. But it was still promising a lie. To be honest she didn't know what to do. All the years had to count for something but it had taken them to the point where they weren't sure if they could trust each other to actually talk about things like shootings and letters, things that were part of their jobs. 'Maybe I got to close and now I'm seeing why partners should never cross that professional line. Maybe we have been together too long and I have to back out now to save what we have left. He would never back out. He is too afraid of hurting me.'

"Do you want more coffee?"

"Sure Bobby, more coffee would be great."

He left and she began to think some more. 'How long would she have until she had to decide? And would she make the right decision when she did?'

**One more chapter to go! How will things end!? The next chapter is incredibly short. But hey who cares it is the end so it's allowed to be short! I'm eating cookies and so I'm happy. I guess since I'm almost done this one I should really** **start another one. Well please R&R! Dudadadadam! The suspense I know it's just going to kill you!** **Cause know one can ever guess how it will end! lol!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So here is the final chapter. I know it is short but I think it makes a good ending and if I made it longer than it might not be so great. Thanks to all who R&R. The suspense I know it killed you not knowing what would happen! LoL! Okay so I don't own anything and NBC and Dick Wolf own it all. Man don't you just wish you could be them sometimes! **

**Sun Rise**

It was three cups of coffee later. They had covered everything from sports to fashion. They had talked about old cases, and which perps had disgusted them the most. They had talked about her nephew, and their new captain. They had talked about the families they had wanted to have, and the one's they might still have.

The clock on the wall toled them it was six in the morning. They had been up all night.

"Want more coffee?" Bobby yawned

"No thanks. I think I'm good for a while."

Silence. Even now the cursed silence pressed down around them. They were closer than they had been when she arrived but was it close enough? Trust was the hardest thing in the world to fix. It was like a cut, even if it heals, The scar never fully fades.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for coming."

"No problem Bobby what are partners for?"

"You're coming back?"

"I guess."

She got up to leave. She got as far as the door when she turned to say goodbye.

"I'll call you later."

This time it was his turn to ask.

"Are we Okay?"

She smiled "Is the sky blue?"

He looked out the window at the early morning light reflecting off the New York buildings.

"Yes Alex" he whispered "the sky is blue."

"And morning has come."

With that she left and knowing there was still so much to cover, but they were going to be fine.

**What did I tell you, it was short! Hope you liked the ending. I know sort of sudden but not too bad! Well of course please R&R. I have thought about a sequel but it probably won't happen because I think it's okay the way it is. Well I guess I'm done..How sad... well now I'm off to eat cookies see ya later!**


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